My Telephone Answering Machine Message
The second water hits the showerhead
The ringing begins beside my bed.
I've been at home all day alone
And never once did I hear the phone
But in the shower the water sprays
And the telephone rings into a craze.
It rings a billion times, not one
Until I step from the tub and run
Slinging water everywhere
On the rug and on the chair.
Dripping, I quickly grab the receiver
And so help me, I don't believe it
I hear a dial tone, phone line dead
As the water drips from my head.
Mean thoughts my brain doth send
To that person on the other end
And evil ideas from my maddening heart
Devises ways for vengeance to impart.
I stomp and shake like a wet canine
And swear to myself that never in time
Will I sprint again from the tub at the tell
Of telephones ringing a beckoning bell.
So if at the ringing, I don't say hello
Please leave a message and quickly GO.